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• Java: USA -- optimistic, powerful, likes to gloss over inconveniences.
• C++: UK -- strong and exacting, but not so good at actually finishing things and tends to get overtaken by Java.
• Python: The Netherlands. "Hey no problem, let'sh do it guysh!"
• Ruby: France. Powerful, stylish and convinced of its own correctness, but somewhat ignored by everyone else.
• Assembly language: India. Massive, deep, vitally important but full of problems.
• Cobol: Russia. Once very powerful and written with managers in mind; but has ended up losing out.
• SQL and PL/SQL: Germany. A solid, reliable workhorse of a language.
• Javascript: Italy. Massively influential and loved by everyone, but breaks down easily.
• Scala: Hungary. Technically pure and correct, but suffers from an unworkable obsession with grammar that will limit its future success.
• C: Norway. Tough and dynamic, but not very exciting.
• PHP: Brazil. A lot of beauty springs from it and it flaunts itself a lot, but it's secretly very conservative.
• LISP: Iceland. Incredibly clever and well-organised, but icy and remote.
• Perl: China. Able to do apparently almost anything, but rather inscrutable.
• Swift: Japan. One minute it's nowhere, the next it's everywhere and your mobile phone relies on it.
• C#: Switzerland. Beautiful and well thought-out, but expect to pay a lot if you want to get seriously involved.
• R: Liechtenstein. Probably really amazing, especially if you're into big numbers, but no-one knows what it actually does.
• Awk: North Korea. Stubbornly resists change, and its users appear to be unnaturally fond of it for reasons we can only speculate on.

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